Episode Tag 7x01: Nothing but blue skies
by kykkio
Summary: Belated tag to 7x01


**I do not own The Mentalist **(because if I do it would have 100 seasons)

Episode Tag 7x01: Nothing but blue skies

Jane cursed under his breath as his knee hit yet again one of the brown boxes in Lisbon's garage. With his sleeves rolled up, navigating among the boxes piled neatly at one side of the garage, he tried to find the one she had been looking for insistently the afternoon before. Luckily, after his promise of good food and a movie at her home, she had desisted and had agreed to join him. Although he had to confess it didn't take too much effort to convince her … Jane smiled almost shyly at the thought, something, he noticed, was becoming a habit in these almost two weeks they'd been together. He just couldn't stop it, the smiles and this warm and tingly feeling that wrapped his heart every time her image came to his mind. It felt so good to be able to express his feelings at last. After all this time censoring himself about what he could and could not feel, this was liberating.

He shook his head, pressing his lips to prevent this smile from broadening, and focused on the task at hand. If Lisbon needed so urgently this box with CDs he would find it for her. She had stated this was her relaxing music, and he had teased her merciless about if he was gonna find a Spice Girls CD in it. Lisbon had blushed while trying to scowl and had thrown a cushion at him. It had felt like old times. Except for the cushion. Back in the old CBI it would have been a stapler probably.

He rummaged some more within the dusty boxes, trying to find it before Lisbon stepped out of the shower. He loved to surprise her and she surely would be happy if they could have dinner tonight with her favorite music. He had to reckon he was really curious to hear it, he bet it was jazz or something similar, since she played in a band in her youth, but still it felt good not having to guess, just being able to ask, to touch, to look. These past weeks tiptoeing around her, not wanting to be too close to not appear nosy and dominant but at the same time not wanting to step away to not look as if he didn't care had been emotionally exhausting. He had been so scared to lose her… he frowned and tightened his grasp on the box in his hand. This was a thought that had not entered his mind in these weeks together, too busy in this new stage of their lives to dwell in anything else that wasn't Teresa and her happiness.

He supposed seeing Pike this afternoon had triggered these thoughts again. He had reminded him that he could not take her again for granted, that she took her own decisions and also…that he didn't have a plan.

Jane closed his eyes and groaned opening a box with more force than necessary, trying to silence the thought. But it was true. He had been so terrified when she took that plane that he had just poured out his feelings hastily, honestly thinking it was too late, but knowing deep down that she deserved to know. Lisbon needed to know what she meant to him, because it was clear that she didn't. His plan for keeping her in the dark all these years, too scared of _what if's_, had been a complete and _appalling_ success. And for once in his life he had wished for her to call his bluff.

In that moment his only thought had been that she couldn't leave thinking she had been just a tool in his sick game. She had to know she had not wasted her time on him all these years together, he valued and cared and… _loved_ her. She was right, and…. he had been wrong. And he needed to get to this. To get past this emotional paralysis and be able to say aloud that he had already moved on, that he could feel again. That it was ok to feel again. But he had chocked his feelings for so long that now he had no idea what to do next. He had craved for this, what he had now, but in a generic sort of way, like a unattainable dream, and now he had no idea what to do with the specifics.

He swallowed loudly and opened another box, not really paying attention to its contents. Pike was right. He had offered Lisbon just Patrick Jane, not a family or a home or…

He opened more boxes hastily, wanting to stop this chain of thought, now rolling like a snow ball, getting bigger and bigger. But when this mind of his settled on a thought he couldn't let it go. Was it enough? He had offered himself because honestly he thought he had nothing else to offer. But he wanted her to be happy, that was the most important thing to him. Was she happy just with this? him?

His hands trembled and he tried to calm his heart, beating loudly in his chest, rubbing his hands against his pants. His mind was in a whirlwind now, unstoppable. Maybe he should let her think this through again, maybe she didn't feel this was right, maybe he should give her some space, maybe he should go to his airstream now, maybe…

"What happened to my garage?"

Jane flinched at the sound of Lisbon amused voice at his back and took two deep breaths trying to calm himself before turning to her, faking a brilliant smile. He cursed himself, because hiding his feelings to her was still as natural as breathing. He still had to work on it.

Lisbon was perched at the door, her arms folded and her long damp hair cascading over her shoulders. She raised an eyebrow questioningly and he couldn't avoid his gaze to soften, a half smile to break, the familiarity of the scene and at the same time the novelty in it making him shiver.

Lisbon padded barefoot towards him, peering carefully among the now scattered boxes.

Jane cleared his throat "I was looking for your CDs…" _space_ he reminded himself "…before I go to my airstream…"

Jane watched amused as Lisbon blushed profusely, and, lifting the corner of his lips he quirked an eyebrow, there was something else she wasn't saying….

"R-really there is no need, I'll… oops!"

She stumbled and was about to fall but Jane was faster, grabbing her forearms and steadying her chuckling. The box didn't have the same luck and all its contents fell on the floor, a mess of CD's and papers.

"To think you're the one with the gun in this relationship…" He teased

Lisbon hid a small smile biting her lower lip, obviously pleased after hearing the word relationship falling off his lips effortless. She was avoiding his eyes but her hands at his chest gripped his shirt more tightly, which made Jane to slid softly one hand from her arm to the small of her back. She raised her stare, her smile widening when she noticed he was grinning broadly at her, his blue eyes sparkling mischievously.

He moved forwards, all his focus on her, her wet hair curling, her soft stare on him, the laugh she was trying to suppress pressing her lips together… and tripped once again on the CD's. This time it was Lisbon who balanced him chuckling, and patted softly the fabric over his chest with two fingers.

"And never forget it"

"Damn bo…"

Suddenly Lisbon gasped, seeing the contents of the box scattered all over the floor, and blushing again loosened her hold on him, crouching down.

Jane sighed and rolled his eyes in exasperation at the loss of Lisbon's closeness but proceeded to help her to pick them up…just…She was not picking the small boxes with CDs inside, she was picking envelopes and was putting them hurriedly in a small box that, he believed, had fallen with the CDs.

His curiosity piqued, he grabbed one of the envelopes and stopped in mid-movement. Carefully he brushed one finger along the handwriting, recognizing it, feeling the words stuck in his throat.

"My… letters?" He whispered almost reverently.

Lisbon turned to him unsure, the little box with letters pressed against her chest.

"Well…yes… I…" Lisbon bit her lower lip, her eyes dancing from one box to another, not meeting his eyes, embarrassed, then stuttered "O-Of course I kept them, you sent them to me, and I-I didn't know where you were, and I liked to hear what you were doing, and…"

Jane shook his head silencing her, eyes focused in the letter in his hand, his voice hoarse and cracking at the end "You were going to bring them to DC? with you?"

Lisbon opened her mouth and closed it again, trying to explain herself but at last she just shrugged, feeling her eyes prickling.

Now Jane raised his head to look at her, she was shifting her weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other, her eyes still wandering around the garage.

"Well…you know…" She murmured

"Just to be clear. How much of an idiot I've been?" He groaned helplessly

Lisbon's lips twitched at this, still grabbing the box with force, her knuckles white.

Jane crouched, picking the remaining letters, and stepping towards her trying to avoid the scattered CD's, handed them over wordlessly. Murmuring a quiet thank you, still not meeting his eyes, she put them back in the box. They remained still for a while, Jane looking down at her and Lisbon looking at her own feet. Just inches apart, Jane could feel the warmth and tension in Lisbon's body.

Wanting her to be happy without giving her all the facts, giving her space when the only thing she really wanted was the truth, had almost made him lose her… and she still had been in love with him, even when she thought it was pointless. Bringing the letters with her, tangible proof of what she would never have but close enough she could reach it with her fingertips, made her past situation, her feelings at that time, more real. And painful. And he had believed he was doing the right thing. That he was helping to her happiness.

Jane exhaled loudly picking with one hand the little box from her hands, and brushed two fingers along one of her still wet locks. The soft movement made Lisbon look up at him at last, nervously and half-ashamed, her palms turning into fists at her sides now.

He just smiled apologetically, his stare intense on her, and shrugged unsure "Come in and I'll cook something?"

His hand skimmed along her hair, her elbow and arm until he intertwined his fingers with hers. Pulling softly, asking.

She smiled, her green eyes a little misty, and tugged back, locking her gaze with his, hopeful "Stay?"

He nodded and smiled childishly, almost embarrassed, as he always did when she showed him her love openly, and walked with her inside, the box under his arm.

Maybe it wasn't so difficult to do what felt right.


End file.
